One Change Group has returned from another phenomenal experience. The attendees of our Bellevue, Washington workshop were nothing short of amazing. I want to thank them all for the privilege to serve them and I am confident they will take the skills they learned and apply them to their lives. I look forward to hearing their follow up of the growth they are experiencing in their relationships.
It became painfully obvious that many of our families struggle with setting mandatory rules. What was even more evident to me is the struggles that so many of our parents have setting appropriate and healthy boundaries for themselves with their adult children. This also is indicative of the difficulties so many of us have simply setting healthy boundaries for ourselves. What is the price of not setting appropriate boundaries and conversely, what is the pay off for good, solid healthy boundaries?
First, let’s just say that for some of us, healthy boundaries are not all that easy to set. I know there are certain people, and certain times where I am as week as a newborn foal. It is difficult for me to look at a teen in need and tell them, “Sorry, I don’t have time for you.” Thus, I occasionally work some pretty long hours. What I have learned is that by setting some very healthy boundaries and expectations, I can even sometimes eliminate these events before they occur. It is important that you clearly define what your boundary and discuss that boundary with the people in your life. Let’s say your boundary is, “I will not be treated with disrespect.” What does that mean? People may not physically mistreat you? They can’t yell at you? Call you names? Similar to a mandatory rule, you must clearly define the boundary, and then know how you will manage the situation when someone violates it. Will you call them out on the violation? Or will you terminate the relationship? You should examine these decisions prior to a situation occurring and then be an open communicator. Remember, rule #1 is “I will be 100% responsible for myself and to others 100% of the time.” It’s your job to inform those that violate your boundaries.
You will find that you will simply have much healthier relationships and will be able to avoid those situations that often lead to anger and resentment. You will find you will have much more respect from those around you and you will in return, find yourself with an overall increase in happiness!
Can’t wait to see “ya’ll” in Houston next month.