Content Warning: This post discusses the recent loss of a loved one and the journey through grief and powerlessness toward inner strength. If you are currently experiencing grief or loss, please read with care and consider whether this is the right time for you to engage with this content. If you do choose to continue, know that you are not alone, and the following words are shared with compassion and understanding.

Dear Friend,

Have you ever felt powerless? I sure have. I’m sure you’ve had similar moments, and I want you to know that you’re not alone in this feeling. We all experience moments of powerlessness, and it’s okay to feel this way.

Recently, during a session, I received two missed calls and a text reading, “This is urgent.” When I returned the call, I was told that a young man dear to my heart, who was my oldest son’s age, had passed away. His mind was brilliant, and his spirit was kind-hearted, but I loved his laugh the most. His laugh shot straight to the hearts of those who loved him, radiating joy, warmth, and a hint of mischief. His laugh was infectious. Now, his laugh can only be heard in memories, echoing in the hearts of those who still love him.

The moment I heard this news, I felt an utterly gut-wrenching sense of powerlessness.

Powerlessness to breathe. Powerlessness to think. Powerlessness to move.

This overwhelming sense of powerlessness through grief or any other source can lead to anger, anxiety, withdrawal, or depression. It can make us feel trapped, as though we’ve run out of options and lose confidence in our ability to cope. Our minds might shut down, and all we see is darkness. But even in moments of powerlessness, we always have a choice regardless of how dark or terrifying the situation is. This choice empowers us and helps us regain control. But how? It’s through these small, intentional steps that we can find our way back to a place of strength and healing.

First, stay in the present moment:

One of the first steps I took was to anchor myself in the present moment. I used mindfulness techniques to bring my attention back to the here and now—the only reality. This practice of staying present, along with deep breathing and grounding exercises, helped me stay connected to my body and the present rather than getting lost in the pain of the past or the uncertainty of the future.

Next, stay current with your feelings:

I gave myself permission to experience my feelings fully. I used emotion-focused therapy principles, allowing myself to sit with anger, sadness, fear, and even joy without judgment. I recognized that the numbness I felt was my mind’s way of protecting itself, so I approached my emotions with self-compassion, letting them surface gradually and safely.

Third, connect with and help others:

To combat isolation and withdrawal, I made a conscious effort to connect with others. I reached out for support and looked for opportunities to help others who were also grieving, understanding that connection and service can be powerful tools in healing.

Finally, practice gratitude:

Even in the darkest moments, we can practice gratitude, however small. I actively reflected on the laughter my young friend brought me and the memories he gave all those who loved him. Eventually, I am more able to be grateful for the positive aspects of my day, shifting my focus from the profound loss to what remains.

Through these steps, even in the darkest moments, when we find ourselves in situations where we feel the most powerlessness, we can find options for hope and the ability to heal and cope in our daily lives. As you navigate your own moments of powerlessness, I hope you find comfort in knowing you are not alone. Remember to stay present, honor your feelings, connect with others, and find gratitude in the little things. These steps may not remove the pain but can help you find your way through it.

I will remember…

my friend through our early morning coffee chats when he stayed with our family. Sitting on the porch in North Idaho, the morning dew clinging to the array of flowers we carefully planted in the hardscape he had recently helped create. Always a hard worker; he was the guy you called when you needed a job done right. After our chat over coffee, he was off to the morning meeting he frequented. The wooden chair, which held his stocky frame, creaked as he rocked back and forth. The steam from his hot coffee mingled with the smoke from his cigarette floating past his black hair. This morning, his smile carried a hint of skepticism as he shot me a side-eye, his eyes as dark as his coffee, while I spoke about “the child heart within.” But as I looked at him, I didn’t see the hardworking young man before me; I saw a six-year-old boy he once described, a little boy in oversized Army gear, playing in his parent’s living room, his infectious laugh echoing from the depths of his childlike heart. This is how I saw him—his inner child, the authentically beautiful soul he truly was. This is how I will honor and remember my friend, Jack ❤️

In Jack’s memory, I carry forward his laughter and joy, sharing it with those around me. I hope you, too, find something in your heart that gives you strength during your darkest moments.

Warmly,
Jodie

Additional Resources:

• For those struggling with addiction or substance use disorders, the 12-step program is one of many resources that offer a supportive path. It begins with acknowledging powerlessness—a vital first step in reclaiming control over one’s life. The program’s principles, community support, and spiritual growth provide a framework for recovery and resilience. AA and NA are both 12-step programs.
• opens in a new windowSAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.
  1-800-662-HELP (4357)
• Remember that you’re not alone when struggling with grief and loss. Please schedule an appointment with a licensed professional at One Change Group for compassionate guidance on your journey toward improved mental well-being.